My Age of Youth || by Putri Libria

#Chapter I : Because This is My First Life

       Time has gone by so quickly, I immediately became a teenage girl who lived far away from relatives. This is the first time I have not taken shelter under the supervision of my parents, did not ask for pocket money to meet my needs, and did not whine when there are problems that are considered crucial.  I am currently a student at one of the best universities in Germany.  I discovered many new things as I entered campus life meeting all kinds of people from various countries, various characters, various ethnicities, and types of nature.  Although my campus is included in the Top5 ranks of the best campus with the latest facilities, it doesn't mean that I as a student can be spoiled by such conditions.  Still, in my opinion the campus is the main gate into the adult phase of my life.  Considering that this freedom comes with responsibility, survival is an important thing in an environment that is not controlled by parents, to be independent because we have to make important decisions in our own lives, and than living in other countries without relatives is a challenge in itself.  for me.  

     It turns out that it is true that tuition fees in Germany are free or rather almost free, but what is expensive is the cost of living, especially for the cost of room rent.  To meet my daily needs I tried to do some part time works, in one of the restaurants, a clothes shop, a bookstore, etc. When summer came the factory workers still usually took time off because it coincided with a summer vacation that even took up to 6 weeks.  At that time the factory usually opened vacancies for students and I tried it.  On the one hand, I enjoy life as a student here because besides cheap tuition, getting transportation money for students, watching affordable movies because there are student prices, education here is one of the best, getting to know people from different parts of the world, learning a lot of cultures, this country  also includes countries with low crime rates (safe).  On the other hand we must have the guts and a strong mentality to face international competition, in addition to a strong mentality we must also have a strong physique.  If we have a weak immune system it will be susceptible to disease, and when faced with an uncertain season and climate.  Well all that I prepared well in advance before I registered as a prospective student here.  Oh yeah, the distance from my dorm to campus is 10 minutes just by taking the term to go straight up, so during lunch time I can go home to the hostel and at the same time save my pocket money hehe.  Lecture hours are also flexible so you can create your own class schedule.

      As a foreigner living in a foreign country, I try to adapt to the habits of the people and the local culture.  I find out German habits and how they socialize.  We must have an open mind, easy to get along with, and communication is the most important thing is also fundamental, in order to adapt to new environments and make new friends, moreover not a few of them have a small scope of friendship, even there are friends from since kindergarten  until college, it proves that Germans attach great importance to quality over quantity in friendship.  Even so that does not mean they are closed with strangers, we can make friends even when they have made friends with German people they are very friendly and reliable.  Besides adapting to find friends, I also have to adapt to campus life, with lecturers for example.  In order to be close to the lecturer I have to be active in lectures such as giving questions, presenting well, thirsting for knowledge, well what kind of student the school is like. The biggest fear for foreign students is that when they do not pass the written test they must take an oral examination. Wow! that is one thing that is very avoided for us foreigners who lack confidence in speaking German. It turns out that in addition to having to fight in studienkolleg for almost two years, after entering college too, to get grades above the average is very difficult, already passed the course was grateful. In that way made me encouraged to study even harder because the competition is not only with local people, but in all corners of the world.  Of course this requires a strong belief in order to last until the end.  Because not a few foreign students who give up with a hard education life here.  In the future there will be a lot of obstacles to be faced and I will have to be prepared with all the risks.  I just have to make up my mind to work hard in studying, get as much experience of life in the land of people, and surrender to God.

#Chapter 2 : It's Okay to Not Be Okay

   My father is a CEO of a South Korean IT company in Jakarta and my mother is a Public Prosecutor.  I am grateful to live in a well-off environment.  However, that doesn't make me feel relaxed.  Because my parents educated me and my younger siblings to always live independently and we don't know what will happen next in life.  So we must always be ready with all obstacles in life because the wheel of life continues to spin.  Even though people talk about my family being rich, I think it's the result of my parents' hard work, which means it's their wealth. I don't take part in it.  Meanwhile I have two younger brothers.  Our lives are fulfilled, but that does not mean we are happy with all the needs and facilities that we have, nor does it make us ungrateful.  It's just that there is one thing we cannot have in full is '' time '' when we get together with family. They always take the time to chat with their children but as a child there must be a little sense of ego that arises and wants to be more noticed  like children in general.

     At this time I began to get used to actually living alone.  I even like I have become a part of them (local people).  Luckily the good habits that stick to me haha, such as being always on time when attending an activity, being disciplined, helping others in public places, not looking down on others, etc.  Apart from enjoying my daily life here, there is actually a problem in me that is... myself cannot control and even insecure.  Yes!  I have a problem when communicating in front of many people, especially in terms of direct question and answer or debate, this happened since I was in high school when in Indonesia.  Somehow I can't control myself.  There are things that make my mind divert.  Suddenly stiff when talking, cold sweat, rapid heartbeat, chaotic thoughts, unable to focus, even when answering the answer is sometimes not in accordance with the question.  Another thing with speech, singing, dancing, acting in front of many people I do not feel the rigidity in me.  This all started from the problem of disputes between classmates, in my opinion It's only natural when we disagree with classmates.  But the severity of the dispute is increasingly complicated.  They began to harass, talk behind, complain to the homeroom teacher so that he did not like me, and led to discrimination against me and my friends. Clearly this makes us traumatized and have an psychological impact on us that is to be insecure, want to quit school, stay away from the crowd, disappear  Hope, don't wanna stay at school.  This lasted for three years. I always try to be okay in front of everyone including my family.  But over time this makes me prolonged stress.  I began to be afraid of my psychological condition and mentally as well as my friends.  It turns out sad also hated for no apparent reason.  Even though I could be not good in front of people.

    

      Is there any part of this life journey free of fear?  It is undeniable that fear will always accompany me at every step in the lives of every human being, even as I am feeling now.  We cannot hide from it.  In various forms of fear always approached every human being but my fear this time was different from before.  At this time I was visited by worry, fear, and anxiety about my future.  What will I do after finishing college?  Even though I'm currently studying in the department I want, but when we enter the workforce, we really can't be in the same field with majors when I'm in college, right?  Therefore in addition to us learning science in the classroom must also be accompanied by a variety of qualified skills.  When I got used to life here, I felt like I was insecure.  Seeing European society in particular they are very competitive, ambitious and hardworking.  One time I was encouraged to do the same thing, but still fear enveloped my thoughts.  I hope my hard work has produced good results in the future.

#Chapter 3 : Why am I like this? How can humans change?

  I always try to make the people around me feel comfortable and happy. Me With my personality that looks cold but when hanging out with friends who are already familiar I can blend easily and even be talkative.  In their opinion of others who are not close to me it turns out I was rated as a sensitive person, in fact always indifferent.  Looks firm in fact always feel bad.  Looks strong but original fragile.  People say I am meticulous in fact careless and forgetful.  I don't really like crowds but that doesn't mean I also like solitude.

   That day we studied together, discussed and prepared the major that would later be presented and the five of us had shared our assignments.  After finishing, Unfortunately they simultaneously appointed me as the main speaker and Kim Ha Ni proposed herself as the moderator, Rachel Yoo could not and would never want to be the main speaker and Bentley he reasoned he always came late worrying about messing things up.  While ozil he has not fully recovered due to an accident some time ago.  Finally there is no one other than me to replace it.  Why should I?  Can I?  I don't want to mess up what we prepared.

    I have phobia who talks spontaneously in front of crowded things.  Oh god what should I do?

    Me: Can't anyone replace me?

    Rachel: Then who?  Me?  It is impossible!

    Me: The other one?

    Ozil & Bentley: (Just silent without making a sound)

    Kim Ha Ni: I could be the main speaker but this time you have to try it too, you will never be able to fight your fear if you never try to fight it.

    Me: (I will say yes with a long sigh) hmm alright.  .  .

   

    One time at school when my group got a part for the presentation.

    Kim Ha Ni: Good afternoon everyone, today our group will deliver a material and the material will be delivered by my colleague.

    Me: hmm.  .  .  A A....

    At first I was so nervous that sweat started to wet my body.  I tried to calm down and finish everything and finally arrived before the question and answer session I delivered it well.

    Rachel: That's all for today's presentation.  We return it to the moderator.

    Kim Ha ni: Does anyone want to ask?  Sorry, today's questioner limit is only 3 questions.

    It turned out that the audience was very enthusiastic.  Instantly question after question came out.  We share it fairly. One person has one question that must be answered.  Rachel Yoo and Bentley they were able to answer it even though it wasn't so satisfying. Finally arrived at the last question and I had to answer it.  I have mastered the material, okay I can do it, I have to be able to, I just have to convey what's in my head. Ok then. . .  In the end I lost control and fainted.

   

    I also began to think whether humans can change?  Why am I always being troublemaker, why am I like this?  REGARDLESS OF MY INTENTION, I ENDED UP HURTING ANYONE.  I can't even control myself how can I continue my studies in Germany and then return to my homeland and work in the best public relations company in my country.

   

 I messed it all up.  .  .

# Chapter 4 : Daydream Cometrue

   I always dream of how I can achieve my goals.  I still can't even fight my pobhi.  Since childhood I was known to be an introvert.  I like people who do have my own world do not want anyone to enter my life.  Unlike other children, who are always cheerful can express their emotions in front of many people.  I'm not like that but since I was in high school I tried to change my personality which always makes other people misunderstand.  Although it can not change completely.  I try to build a good relationship with anyone.  It is indeed difficult to change what is inherent in childhood.  I keep trying new things so I can improve my skills.

    Certainly it takes time and definitely takes time to develop better than before.  During college I learned a lot and began to adapt easily.  Maybe because it is because I live in a land that people have a sense of survival, high ha ha.

    However, after looking back I am proud of myself, with all the situations and conditions that I face I can still pass it calmly and patiently, it turns out to mature myself it is necessary to face so many things and certainly not easy.  Right now I work in one of the best public relations companies in the country, all I need to do is stay grateful, improve what needs to be improved, do things that I couldn't do before, don't ever get complacent, and always think positive.